36 - The Catalyst

He is my catalyst,
and I am in love with change.

I made a mistake,
when I thought I could be with him.

We were ever changing.

But I liked his attention,
I desired his affection.

But it wouldn’t work.
Walk away.
I could have walked away.

How do you walk away from someone?
Who lights up your body.
Who sets a fire in your heart.

Lick the pleasure from my body.
I want you to taste it.
Leave scratch marks from your beard
on the inside of my thigh.
I will rest my head against your chest,
let me feel that heart beat.
Pulse it through my body.
Whisper in my ear.
Press your body into mine.
I can feel the wall cold against my back.
Move to the rhythm of the beat.

Walk away.
You walked away.
But you regret it don’t you?
When you look at me,
you realize you could have had all of this.
ALL OF THIS.
But not anymore.
Not ever again.
And I look better everyday.
I bet you are watching them watch me.

You made a mistake.

And now I am walking away.

But not without a proper thank you.

Thank you for keeping me in New York.
I stayed because of you.
But do not mistake.
I did not stay for you.
I stayed because of the doors you opened.
And for that I will be forever grateful.
You redirected my life.
You altered my path.
You allowed me something,
I couldn’t find for myself.

And thank you,
for breaking my heart.
You broke me open.
Allowing me to understand.
I am so much more than I ever thought I was.
I deserved so much more than the breadcrumbs
you tossed me.

You were a lesson in what I no longer want.

And believe me,
I will always care for you.
Always.

But this is a goodbye from my heart.
And I will have you know,
you are no longer welcome in my mind.

I am making room for someone new.
Someone who will respect me.
Someone who will cherish me.

That someone was never you.

-sas