77 - Pause
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Again.
A buzzing in my fingertips.
What is this sensation?
My face is heating up.
Something is happening within me.
I don't like it.
Make it stop.
My throat is getting dry.
I'm going to scream.
What is this sensation?
My face is heating up.
Something is happening within me.
I don't like it.
Make it stop.
My throat is getting dry.
I'm going to scream.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Again.
There is so much anger.
Where is this coming from?
There are screams in my room.
What kind of broken person would make such a noise?
My body is shaking.
My heart is racing.
She is at war with herself.
She is me. I am her.
I am watching from above.
Wounded. Scream it out.
LET ME GO.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Again.
I will kick and scream until it can't hold me anymore.
It can't hold me ANYMORE.
But I feel scared.
"It's safe to feel. It's safe to feel."
Samantha's voice rings in my ear.
It's safe to feel?
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Again.
The anger it has a hold on me.
But it's letting go.
Or I'm letting go?
It's hard to tell.
But it's slipping away.
Like a splinter that has been pulled from my heart.
It's been there for so long I forgot
what it was like to be without it.
The air is flowing through me.
I feel free in a new kind of way.
Laughter is falling out of my throat.
Uncontrollable laughter.
It's official. I have totally lost my mind.
At least I can find the humor in it.
Breathe in.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Again.
"Slow it down. Open your eyes.
Give yourself a hug."
I am calmer not.
Calmer in a way I can't explain.
What just happened?
Breathwork.
Breathwork just happened.
-sas